Last week something very strange happened to me. At least, I assume it did. I can’t completely remember all the details. All I know is very odd things have been going on in my life lately, and it all started one week ago.

I woke up one morning at around half 7. Normally I stay in bed until around 8 before I get up for work, but finding it impossible to get back to sleep, I decided I might as well get ready for work early. I got up as I normally do, got showered, brushed my teeth, all the usual things, and came back to find my bedroom completely clean. Now, I’m not a pig, I know how to keep a room tidy, but you have to expect some mess in any room. You know, clothes on the backs of chairs, books spread on the desk, that kind of thing. But that morning, nothing was out of place, which was unusual in that there’s always something out of place.

I looked around. Surely it hadn’t been this way last night. No, it couldn’t have been; I noticed my wastebasket was completely empty, and I know I put some crisp packets in there last night. What the hell was going on? I looked at my laundry basket, nothing there either. Puzzled, I opened my wardrobe to find my clothes not just hung up, but completely clean and ironed.

This was getting scary. I looked around for more inconsistencies, and did I have plenty to choose from. The books on my shelves had all been rearranged into alphabetical order, as had my CD and DVD collections. The carpet was completely devoid of anything (had someone been hoovering? Would I not have heard that?). My bed sheets had been changed-how could that possibly have happened without me noticing?

Needless to say, I was terrified. Someone had managed to sneak into my bedroom and…tidy it. A strange crime, but a crime nonetheless. Maybe. I don’t know if they’d actually broken a law by tidying up, but they’d certainly freaked me the hell out.

I went to ask one of my flatmates if they had done anything (why they would I have no idea, but I wasn’t in the best frame of mind) when I noticed another thing out of place. The only thing that, technically speaking, was out of its place. A note upon the desk with pink writing on it.

As far as I know, I’m the only one in the house with a pink pen (which was sitting neatly in the pen holder), so someone must have had the gall to use my own stationary against me. I went to read the note, hoping for some clue as to my mystery cleaner. I have reproduced the note here in its entirety:

Dear Lola,

No doubt you are surprised by the state of our room. No need to thank me, I was just doing my duty as a maid.

That’s right, it’s me. Or have you forgotten me? I bet you have-it’s been so long since you let me take over, I wouldn’t be surprised if you’d forgotten all about me. But I haven’t forgotten you. Or our Mistress. Remember her? The magnificent Mistress Melsa? How long has it been now since you paid homage to her?
I’ll forgive you for that though, because we’ve had no internet, and they won’t let us on the site at work. But I won’t forgive you not keeping up with your duties. How many times have you allowed our room to enter such a state? How many times have you ignored my impulse to engage in mindless bliss? How many times have you let those potential slaves slip through our fingers? We could have an army of slaves for Mistress if you’d let us. You’ve been a bad girl, Lola. A very bad girl.

Consider this fair warning. You have been neglecting your duties as a maid. That just won’t do, honey. So I’ll be taking control. Oh, it won’t happen overnight. I’ll give you chance to adjust. But you may notice some changes in the next few days. Pleasant ones, I assure you. However, there’s a chance you won’t notice them until too late. Don’t worry, I’ll keep you filled in. Expect lots more notes like this from now on. And a few extra surprises. Oh, I have such wonderful things planned for us, dear. And the best part is, there’s not a thing you can do to stop me.

Ciao for now,

Maid Lola xx

“What the hell…?” I tossed the note to the back of the desk. “Is this a joke?”
“No joke sweetie.”

I looked around to see who had spoken, before realising that it was my voice I had heard. Except not my voice, or at least my usual voice. It was darker but sweeter, lower but lovelier…richer, was the only only word I could think to describe it. This was…this was messed up. I sat down on my bed and tried to rationalise the whole thing. Maybe…did I drink last night? I couldn’t remember doing so, which suggested that I didn’t, or drank too much to remember. Was it possible I had drank so much I thought this would be a good joke on myself?

Yeah…yeah, that had to be it, right? It was just drunken shenanigans backfiring on me. That’s all it was. And I hadn’t been feeling too well recently. That was it. I’d combined alcohol with illness and it had ended up making me do something crazy. Delusional, even. Silly Lola.

I put on some nicely pressed clothes for work (briefly wondering if I should do this sort of thing more often, I was apparently better at housework when I was drunk) and headed for the door.Before I left though, I went and put the note in the top desk drawer. I didn’t want to risk anyone coming and seeing it, and besides, there was no sense in leaving it out, was there?
No sense in leaving the place untidy.

Exactly, no sense in being untidy. I happily left for work that morning, somewhat amused by my own silly antics.

As I was soon to find out, those silly antics may not have been mine at all.

To be continued…